Gender Identity

Another post without a home, so I’m putting it here.
Last year, my child’s best friend was a boy in her class; Ivan. Ivan was, like my kid, a child who definitely knew how to dance to his own drum beat.  My kid wanted him to do karate with her, but he wasn’t into physical activity like that.  He preferred art and creative crafting; things my kid also enjoyed, so they shared those activities.  We did a lot of things together last year.

This year, he was in a different class, so we didn’t see the family as much, although, periodically.  I did try to get together with them to do things, but it’s a busy year and time escapes.  But Friday was the last day of school and it was a half day.  So my family took the little one out to lunch at the buffet place we used to go when she was in preschool.  Next door to the buffet is an ice cream parlor.  As we were walking to our cars to go back to home and work, my child spotted some friends of her from school; Allison, a girl she had dance class with in preschool, and the younger siblings of her friend Ivan, their nanny, and an older girl I didn’t immediately recognize, but my child seemed to know immediately.
The little one asked to be able to hang out with her friends, so I talked Katie Nana and Allison’s grandmother, while the kids played, ate ice cream, and generally acted like they’d not seen each other in 15 years, instead of having seen each other a few hours before at school.  After a few moments of wondering, it occurs to me that the girl I don’t recognize is actually the same person who was my child’s best friend last year.  Because it’s the only thing that makes sense.  Who else could this older girl, who is such good friends with the two other older children be?
The big kids walk to to the park with Allison’s grandmother and Katie Nana thanks for me for not making a big deal about Melissa (who used to be Ivan). She explains that Melissa has been exploring her gender identity for awhile, including saying things like, “When I’m a girl,” and “When I grow up to be a girl…” and this year decided to grow her hair out and wear clothing that expressed her personal style, and to change names and be referred to as she.  Most of the kids at school, including, apparently mine, were cool with it.  And it actually is an improvement over last year, when Ivan was teased for playing more with the girls than the boys.  School and camp have both been accommodating and supportive, although Melissa’s mother wishes that Melissa would have selected a name from the list of girl names that they were considering before she was born instead of going all maverick and selecting a name that the mother doesn’t love.

It’s an amazing thing to live in a time and a place where people can just be embraced for who they are.